Cirque · Du · Ignunce

Mom was feeling bad but always smiling, God love her

---

I have very savvy Livejournal friends. This information mirrored what some of you said.

My moms case manager, Juarez, visited mom today and later called me and told me:

*My mom is independent and wants more than anything to be self sufficient.
*As long as she can, she needs to be alone, as if things were "normal". She needs to be allowed that, as long as possible, for quality of life purposes.
*I "upset her" by wanting to come spend the night. She didn't want that.
*Her sons "try to help her too much and run her life" (bless her heart--if she only knew we want her to be at home--which is what she wants).
*she is afraid we were going to throw her "away" and put her in a nursing home (which is the farthest from the truth--which is why we got hospice--to allow her to live and be and eventually die IN HER HOME which she loves.
*mom does not want or even NEED someone with her at night right now, nor does she need a hospital bed.
*Her oxygen levels are good for now. Her lungs are sounding okay. She doesn't need oxygen yet.
*When she gets nervous (which is often) she gets winded easily.
*Juarez showed her how to use the oxydose when out of breath--they tried it on the spot and it help alot.
*Mom spoke to Juarez about my oldest asshole brother, the one who never comes around, never calls, (and was on a Carribean cruise during moms "last"(?) Christmas). Mom told her it breaks her heart. Juarez told her that the "weakest link" comes out in every family. Some people just can't deal with it.

Mom loves this woman. I spoke to her tonight and she sounded better than she had in weeks.

My mom is a very strong, fiercely independent woman. Shs is (barely) still bathing herself, making her bed, feeding herself (although we take her food daily or occasionally go out to eat). We visit her once a day, at least, and call several times. She lives alone. She is just now starting to have breathing problems at night. Shortness of breath. I mentioned that the hospice said it will be a good idea to get some oxygen in the house for "when the time comes" and also a hospital bed would be nice so that she could sleep elevated (easier to breathe vs. lying flat). She flipped out at the mention of this. She was crying yesterday about her breathing so about 4pm I called her and said I am coming over to spend the night. She flipped out again and said she didn't want me to do that. She wants to be alone...doesn't want me to come over. That she "is fine". I think she doesn't want to be a burden. Although she is never a burden..she is my joy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I and my other brother are going to alternate living with her, one week at a time, when things get really bad. But my question is......is it CRUEL for us to leave her alone NOW if thats what she wants....while she can get by herself. When I mentioned staying over she got all nervous and freaking out and on one hand I think if she has the spirit to "try" to be self sufficient I should let her for as long as possible.
But i worry not being there. I could make sure she is comfortable. What should I do? I could just go and be all Rambo and say this is the way its going to be.........or I could wait until its not an option. I am so confused about what to do.